Sunday, March 04, 2007

communicating with the mainstream

Parent wrote:
"My daugher is 2 and a half and just lately has become really naughty and cheeky, also very good at completly ignoring me when i speaking to her..."

do you think your daughter means to ber naughty? Is she a bad person? I doubt it :)

Do you think she understands why some things are forbidden and others are allowed? Do you have rational and logical reasons for forbidding certain things? If they are indeed rational, you should be able to communicate it at 2 year old level. (not just THE STOVE WILL BURN YOU, GO TO THE NAUGHTY STEP but experimenting safely with heat, with flames and cookers and hot taps so that when you say HOT the child understands exactly why it's not a good idea to grasp with both hands rather than not touching because they are afraid of your anger)

Parent wrote:
"other times she will throw a massive tantrum over something silly."

forgive me, but who decides it's silly? When you're really angry or frustrated, you don't like it if people say "oh don't be ridiculous, this is a tiny problem" do you? If it was minor to her, she wouldn't throw a tantrum. Try to work out what she's upset about, and find some way of making it possible for the thing she wants to occur, or find something even more fun for her to do.

Parent wrote:
"its the ignoring me that gets on my nevres the most, even when im just trying to speak to her she will completly ignore me..."

maybe that's because what you are saying makes no sense to her - seems illogical or unhelpful or unkind.

We adults are all so verbal, but a 2.5 year old really isn't yet.
Replace a lecture with a sentence.
Replace a sentence with a kind word
Replace a word with a helpful action.

All the best to you - it's a roller coaster journey isn't it? If you can lose the idea of controlling your daughter, it'll free you up to be a guide and free her up to blossom and thrive. You'll be able to wave the kicking-of-granny good bye

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