Wednesday, April 18, 2007

consentual grocery shopping

A friend at the Frog Pond was asking about how parent can have preferences considered by family members, rather than ALWAYS doing what the other family members want even if it's not what they want, and I suggested non-verbal communication of preferences being useful.

Here is the third of a set of hypothetical examples I gave to illustrate:

let's stick with the groceries.

1) think of alternatives. Why are you not having groceries delivered? I haven't been serious grocery shopping since 1998. Love the internet.

2) But you still ran out of milk (for me, it's always milk). And Dh is away for 13 days, so you can't get him to pick some up on his way home.

3) so... this is how I'd do it non-verbally.

I'd get myself totally ready to go to the store plus whatever other things we wanted to do.

I'd get everything ready for child(ren) to pick up/ put on and leave.

I'd open the front door.

Child(ren) is/are very likely to want to go out of it. Anything they don't put on/pick up on way out of door, you throw on going down the street or as you get in the car or whatever.

I wouldn't offer verbal options. If walking, I'd walk where I want to go unless child wants to go another way in which case I'd rejig my plan of what happens when this morning. and go their way, eg think "oh, ok, we can go to the 9-11 down here instead". Not sure how you'd do that in a car because I don't drive one, but there must be a way. Maybe have child giving directions "turn right" "turn left" "straight on"

If you do end up at the grocery store, for heaven's sake make it fun to be there, with buying milk as a subsidiary optional extra. depends on age. Some people might like to count fruits, some might like to play in the toy aisle, some might like to ride the trolley, some might like to go on one of those rides where a car goes beep beep when you put a $ in. I don't know - depends on the child and their age. Some people might like to choose something to buy themselves with some money.

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