My friend says "can we come to play on Tuesday?"
I don't really want her to.
In scenario 1, I say "yes ok", and resent it a little.
In scenario 2, I say "no. That's impossible. We don't socialise on Tuesdays. You must come round on Thursday or not at all"
In scenario 3, I say "hmm. How about Thursday" She says "not so good for me." one of us says "hey how about wednesday?" the other says "oh wow, that would be even better because our mutual friend Mattie will be in town".
scenario 1 is the self-sacrificing parent, raising a child who is not learning about taking others needs into account.
scenario 2 is the authoritarian parent, sure that their way is right
Consent based family life is scenario 3. I want my life to be all about finding Wednesdays, and getting better and better at it.