There is a thread on the TCS list at the moment about books people have found helpful in learning how to treat their children as small autonomous people rather than property, untamed savages, extensions of the self etc etc.
I want to put the books on here so I don't lose the list!
Lawrence Cohen 'Playful Parenting'
Jan Hunt 'The Natural Child'
anything by John Holt or Deborah Jackson
Alison Stallibrass, "The Self-Respecting Child" (for a reminder that some good ideas have been around
for a while...)
Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn
Hold On To Your Kids
"Raising Your Child Not by Force but by Love," by Sidney D. Craig
Jan Fortune -Wood's 'Winning Parent Winning Child', 'With Consent', 'Without Boundaries'